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Fuck off. [03 Dec 2004|12:56pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

Hey you.

I don't know how you found me, but leave us alone. Don't come near anything of mine again, you want to learn Lokia? You're too lowly a creature to understand it. You're not bonded to her, but think what you think. You couldn't understand what it means to be bonded to her. If you were, you wouldn't try to hurt her the way you try. Grow up.

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[15 Oct 2004|11:36am]
okay so haven't updated in a while. umnhn. Yeah, neighbor below me is getting violetn in their paranoia.. Nothing toward me, or dad.. Expressed that they will.

someone tried to break into our house.

spilt shit on my pentablet. it's fine though.

Mnhn. I'm having a good day though. ^__^
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grr [08 Oct 2004|02:58pm]
[ mood | sad ]

Yeah, I haven't updated much, because lochjournal stopped working on my computer for some reason. I'll have to uninstall it and try again. I've got "livejournal" right now. ~__~ The "visions" client. Bah. Miss my lochjournal. *le sigh.*


Well I've gone and done.. fell for yet another guy I can't have.

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[04 Oct 2004|11:51pm]
I made a Quiz for you! Take my Quiz! and then Check out the Scoreboard!
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[23 Sep 2004|06:50pm]
Pentablet came..
Pretteh's for people...

Couy-chan-sama = Done.
Threshie-san-Sama = Done.
Fire-chan = Done
Peder = will be green, and I'm about to start on it.
Cassy = Will be blue.
Kevin = Will be all of his LP characters in Red... Lance, Krystal, Darnell, Viktor, Jun, Bleu, and Enzeru.. oO Heeeelp.
Bon = Will be red and a Chibi of Lilac.
Karen = will be a red eye.
MS = needs to tell me what she wants.
Autum Eyes = Also needs to tell me what she wants.
Alanis = will be a blue chibi of some kind.
Odd = A blue Chibi of Someone.
Someone = Will be a blue chibi of Odd.
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OMG [23 Sep 2004|05:23pm]
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[23 Sep 2004|06:33am]
[ mood | amused ]

Switchfoot - Beautiful Letdown
Christina Millian - It's About Time
Modest Mouse - Good News For People Who Love Bad News
Legend of Zelda and the Wind Waker.

^___^ What do all these things have in common? X3 THEY ARE MINE. *cuddles her new CDs movies and Video game, while giggling madly.*

Wacom Middle of the Road Pentablet.
Cerulean Sins, and Anita Blake Vampire Hunter novel
Merry Gentry books.

What do this have in common? THEY WILL BE MINE SOON. >3

OMG OMG OMG OMG OH MY FU CK ING GOD! My Pentablet will be here soon. x3 As soon as friday. (Probably friday.) OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG! I CAN'T WAIT! x3 I'm getting a Desk today. ~THANK GOD~ You don't even what to know what I've been using to put my computer one... Seriously..

>3 Gonna make dad pick up Cerulean Sins, when he goes to get my desk.. T__T Though I think I'll have to go Barnes and Noble to get the Merry Gentry books. T__T *sob.*

>3 I love my dad. ^^; He actually comes through with his promises.

*muttering.* Not like my mother. Though it isn't her fault. It's that parasite she's married to that's at fault. *takes deep breath.* I. *deep breath.* Won't. *breath.* Start. *breath.* Ranting.

And trust me, it's not a, "I hate you because you're not my dad". Trip. My step-dad's a parasite. :3 And I can prove it. ^^ When I was thirteen he told me I couldn't eat any of the food in the house. And made me buy my own food. yup, what a wonderful fucking human being. Oh, and not forget the time he wouldn't let me watch anime in japanese, because, he "remembers Pearl Harbor".

BUT I'm not gonna start ranting. ^^ It's not good for my health. Or my good mood. :3 Gonna go do.. something. That's probably not productive.

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[19 Sep 2004|06:19am]
[ mood | apathetic ]

I know I promised...

Why is life such misery..? I made a promise, that I don't even remember.. But I know.. I can't.. give up yet..

I know I promised that I wouldn't cry...
I'm in such pain... I want to curl into a little ball and cry until I have nothing left inside of myself. I want it all gone. All the misery, all the joy. I want to be blank. Empty. Nothingness. To be happy is to have the chance of being despondant. I don't want that chance anymore. I feel like a band pulled too tightly, too often. And now I'm going to snap. I can feel it. Inside of myself. Just getting ready to snap wide and hard. Lashing at everyone around me..

I miss you..
Ever feel like you're missing someone? Someone you can't quite remember? And every moment without them is agony..? Every breath is like mace in your lungs because they aren't there anymore? And it's all you can do to walk through life.. To move to breath.. To be alive. When you just want to explode. To scream. To claw and fight. And maime.. Until they are returned to you? Do you know what it's like to wake up every morning and long for someone.. You've never met. In the back of my mind I hear screams. from the corner of my eyes I see shadows. I feel like I'm falling apart. Unravelling. Not at the seams, because there were never any seams to me. I've always been one giant unravelling ball of pain. I feel like I've lost people. People I don't know. A lover. A child, a friend. A sister. So many people. I feel like my mind is decaying. And I'm grasping for something. Anything to bring some kind of sanity. Some kind of.. reality back to my world.

Save me.. save me..

Who am I..? I don't even know anymore.. I don't think I ever did. Everything I do, I feel is a lie. Like I'm faking, but I believe that what I'm faking is real. Like my very existance is glass and it's not real. And if I think too much about it it's like throwing a rock. And it could shatter it all.

One minute I'm fine.. And the next I've lost my mind..
I'm screaming. Screaming inside of myself.


Where am I from? Who is my family? Where are they now? Why am I here? Why do I live?

Though I tried..
I've fallen..
I have so sunk so low.

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[18 Sep 2004|02:45am]
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[13 Sep 2004|11:30pm]
My spine.. hurts. Feels like part of it is missing.. fucking god..
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[08 Sep 2004|02:53pm]
Can't think of an update that's interesting.
Still no money.
Still no food.
I'm sick.
Live sucks.
Someone kill me.
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[03 Sep 2004|05:39pm]
I feel so.. inspired, but I can't quite grab onto it and hold the item that forms in my head..
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WTFDIEPLZKTHNX?! [01 Sep 2004|02:27pm]
It's really freaking sad, when sitting for half an hour I find two pics of the girl I'm looking for. (A spanish model named Marta Alba) and the rest of the shit is porn. >__
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[30 Aug 2004|05:14pm]
[ mood | stressed ]

So, this month.

Dad's disability check hasn't come yet.
We have a two hundred some dollar phone bill due tomorrow.
Rent that's been due since thursday. Which is... 150 - 300 hundred dollars I don't know which..
Not sure how much the cable bill is but it's probably around 100 dollars.
And then a power bill which is like.. two hundred dollars..

And dad will get another check, not for disablitity but from the settlements for four-fifty dollars..
That's not even enough to cover rent and the phone bill...

So if I suddenly go ~poof~ I'll be back.. eventually..

And I'm trying not to stress. Heh. Yeah right.

We have no food, and no money. I'm so tired of just barely getting by, to have this slammed onto us. I can't even get a job and better us, because they'd just take that from dad. I'm tired of starving.

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[30 Aug 2004|11:20am]
You might be from the Pacific Northwest if:

1. You know the state flower (Mildew).

2. You feel guilty throwing aluminum cans or paper in the trash.

3. Use the statement "sun break" and know what it means.

4. You know more than 10 ways to order coffee.

5. You know more people who own boats than air conditioners.

6. You feel overdressed wearing a suit to a nice restaurant.

7. You stand on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the "Walk" signal.

8. You consider that if it has no snow or has not recently erupted, it is not a real mountain.

9. You can taste the difference between Starbucks, Seattle's Best, and Veneto's.

10. You know the difference between Chinook, Coho, and Sockeye salmon.

11. You know how to pronounce Sequim, Puyallup, Issaquah, Oregon, and Willamette.

12. You consider swimming an indoor sport.

13. You can tell the difference between Japanese, Chinese and Thai food.

14. In winter, you go to work in the dark and come home in the dark-while only working eight-hour days.

15. You never go camping without waterproof matches and a poncho.

16. You are not fazed by "Today's forecast: showers followed by rain," and "Tomorrow's forecast: rain followed by showers."

17. You cannot wait for a day with "showers and sun breaks."

18. You have no concept of humidity without precipitation.

19. You know that Boring is a town in Oregon and not just a state of Mind.

20. You can point to at least two volcanoes, even if you cannot see through the cloud cover.

21. You notice "the mountain is out" when it is a pretty day and you can actually see it.

22. You put on your shorts when the temperature gets above 50, but still wear your hiking boots and parka.

23. You switch to your sandals when it gets about 60, but keep the socks on.

24. You have actually used your mountain bike on a mountain.

25. You think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists.

26. You knew immediately that the view out of Frasier's window was fake.

27. You buy new sunglasses every year, because you can't find the old ones after such a long time.

28. You measure distance in hours.

29. You often switch from "heat" to "a/c" in the same day.

30. You use a down comforter in the summer.

31. You carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them.

32. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit under a raincoat.

33. You know all the important seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Raining (Spring), Road Construction (Summer) Deer Elk season (Fall).

xD My home town is mentioned! xD >3
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[28 Aug 2004|04:05pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

I need someone here to hold me.

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[27 Aug 2004|08:17pm]
I won't let you use me as your own personal ranting place. I don't give a fuck if you're in pain and pissed off. That's fine I understand. I give you space. If it's not enough, ask for more. But don't start yelling at me. And going on about your own person cyber space circle and how no one invades. Especially when I've been around longer then you.

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[27 Aug 2004|09:22am]

If I should die before I wake, pray no one my sould to take.
If I wake before I die, rescue me with your smile.

*cuddles Chel-love.* :3 Ccheeeeeel. We need to RP! T__T Morgane misses her Meta!
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Mmn. [26 Aug 2004|02:15pm]
I have a grand total of seventy-two new mp3s. Thirty-three of HIM, and thirty-three of Lacuna Coil. xD

This makes me veeeeeerry haaaaappy! <33

I've also got Photoshop CS. <3

I've made some.. interesting pictures..


That one! <3

Hn. Started german. Dad forgot to get Gas... So twenty minutes before I had to be to class. And about ten or five minutes away from the school. The car stopped running. And dad had to walk to a gas station and get gas. *rolls eyes.*

Dad and I got into a fight about whether or not being gay is wrong. He still doesn't know I'm gay. Bleh.

Been asked to be German TA... Go me.. >__> Should I do it..? oO??
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[25 Aug 2004|07:45am]
[ mood | amused ]

>3 Weeet. Photoshop CS makes me haaaaapay! >3

I'm downloading brushes right now. >3

I start German today. Not taking Art this year. WWWAAAY too many people. -_-

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